just a sec..

it's my 205th birthmonth.
[is there really such a word? oh whatev.]

happy [?] 205th birthmonth to me.

thanks yim.

wtf.

i feel ugly.

well, i am.

everybody is busy.

....crying out for some time

who am i?

sounds so simple huh? i thought so. but once i sat down and tried to answer that question, boom! i really don't know how to answer it. (BTW, assignment yun for eng1. terror teacher! hwaa!) a lot of people (including me!) don't really know who they are. tsktsk. still in that stage of self-discovery and confusion i guess. whew. that question really made me realize things about myself. also a wake up call for me. guess also for you..

now ask yourself, "who am i?"

^^

everybody's screaming.

another song from my playlist. a song by lost prophets. ^^ so hwatchap? nothing really.. just in the mood to update my blog. wehe. my first 3 days as a college student were over BUT next week would be definitely the start of my real college life. whew. im sort of nervous but i know this feeling would pass. i'll soon get use to a lot of things in UP. after all, what's the use of me being a former ruralite. (hambog!) hwattapak!? haha. anyway, it was really tiring. i have to walk to get to the next building where my class will be held. whew. but i can manage that. pagod na nga lang talaga pag-uwi.

hmM..well, wala talaga ako masabi na. whew. it's my tv night guys. im only allowed to watch tv during friday and saturday nights. wehe. at syempre bilang isang masunuring bata, susunod ako. wahaha. ^^

see you around!






song now currently playing: this photograph is proof -taking back sunday

another minute until ten.

the song currently playing. haha. halatang nauubusan na ng title na maisip. whew.

time for something positive. wehehe.

yesterday was the start of classes for all UPLB peeps. whew. sandamakmak na orientation ang ginawa. we, rural turned UP peeps, agreed to meet at area before 630. kasi may almusalan sa SU ng 630. dumagsa ang pandesal, kape, pansit, juice, refresh (haha), pancakes at kung anu mang pwedeng chibugin. pero ni isa dun wala ako nakain. haha. busog pa kasi ako. napadame kain ko ng breakfast sa bahay. nakakapagod lang dahil nakatayo lang tapos sobrang init. may program nga pero di masyadong clear, iba talaga sound system ng up. hanep! woohpeedoo. (pero may nangyari naman maganda, nabigya ako ng CAS shirt ni padeys. wuhoo.!)

right after the program, nagkaroon ng assembly by college. at syempre pinakamadame ang CAS. waa. nagmistulang parada ang nangyareng pagpunta ng bawat colleges sa baker hall. (naalala ko tuloy ang parada tuwing intrams. hahay.) syempre, mainit at masikip. hahay. orientation na naman na hindi ko alam kung lahat nga ba talaga ay nakikinig. haha. kasi ako hinde. waha.

after nun, kumaen kami nina shimei sa sizzlers. grabe gutom ko nun. waa. in less than 5 mins ubos ko agad yung pagkain ko. haha. pumunta kame area after pero saglit lang kameng tumambay. pumunta kame nina lloyd, sam at larue sa registrar. then sa humanities. at syempre sa NCAS. may orientation kasi ulit pero this time for BS Bio peeps. whew. (feel na feel ko na talaga course ko. haha) it lasted for 3 and a half hours. mineet kame ng advicer namin right after. whew. (trivia: hanggang ngayon di ko maalala pangalan ng advicer ko. hwattapak!?)

after that, bumalik na kame ng area. di rin ako nagtagal dun. pumuta kame nina alex, pat at kate sa registrar. mineet si ate cam. at kinuha ang ID ko. haha. pero sa sobrang pagod, init at pais, di ko na muna pinavalidate sa main lib. (mataastaas na paglalakbay yun! whew) pumunta naman kami ng biosci, pinuntahan ko prof ko sa Bio 1 lab. basta may kailangang gawin. hehe.

after (whew. puro after na sinsabi ko ah.) pumunta na kame ng area upang magpahinga. haha. sa wakas! sound trip lang dun. tapos pumunta sa dorm nina alex at pagkatapos, umuwi na ko!

whew. kakapagod na araw pero masaya naman. it was good finally seeing ang hanging out with my old friends. pero syempre iba pa rin yung feeling pag kabarkada ang kasama. hay.. miss you guys...

at ayun ang recap ng nangyare sa buong araw ko kahapon. sarap ng tulog ko kinagabihan, and i woke up at around 10am. wehe.

keep you posted! ^^

by the end of the day...

still nothing. no improvement of what i'm feeling. uneasiness. hay.. i don't know who i should seek for help. siguro kasi i know, i'm the only one who can really help myself right now. all along. darn. it's hard. i may look tough outside but i know i'm still that little crybaby inside. still that little child who needs someone to wipe her tears away, who needs someone strong that she can get some strength from. i'm still the same weakling with still the same insecurities and fears. seriously, i really need someone i could lean on to right now.

it was really a big blow for me. something, i know, whatever i do, i wouldn't forget. it made me weak. i'm too weak to get angry, and too weak to fight for myself. all i can do is cry, which i did since last night. i'm asking myself, 'why?'. just why. i'm trying to understand everything. but i just couldn't. i couldn't even let myself believe. i feel that i'm surrounded with all lies and even myself is a lie. i couldn't trust anyone. i couldn't trust me. i'm once again caught in this emotional tailspin. and i'm getting tired. so tired.

hay.. i just hate this blog. so melodramatic. full of angst. parang wala ng magandang nangyari sa buhay ko. hay... just save me.. anyone.

deus ex infinitum

I stand before this great twilight

and saw the events of the past

I saw a picture of didtinct memories

But the vision did not last

As far as my vision would take me

To a place of no return

My vision would stay with me

Let the ends of my past burn

Living with the complexities of life

The clandestine of faith

The disparity of good and evil

... these principles i dare not break

And now the time has come

To shed light on the things that i had done

Behold my nature

By then i'll be gone

beyond infinity...

- kuwaderno, 2000

waiting for death to kiss me goodnight.

that's what i felt late last night. i really can't explain what i was feeling then. my heart's really pumping hard, kabado. uneasy feeling, di mapalagay. that time, i really want to die rather i was waiting for death. akala ko mamatay na 'ko. sobrang iba talaga yung naramdaman ko. i knew something bad was bound to happen. and something did. hay..

i really feel betrayed now. i don't know how to trust. bigla akong nawalan ng gana. my hopes are crushed. sobrang iba. i'm feeling so weak. really weak. tell me how could i recover from this.....

finally!

may internet na ulit sa bahay! wuhoo. pero super bagal. hay.. it took me three tries para lang magload tong page na 'to. hwaat!? haha. anyway, i've been tagged by bill and loren. yun na lang ipopost ko dito. ^^

here goes...

15 weird things about me:

1. lizards are totally FREAKING me out.

2. i'm a certified ketchup freak. (weird ba un? siguro sa level ng pagiging adik ko dun..wehe.)

3. i once gulped down a glass of fresh raw egg. (yaiyks!)

4. i love my new pup but she hates me. waa.

5. white ladies stories scares me the most. weird ba un? weh.

6. i hate fixing my hair bacause once i start fixing it, i tend to be a perfectionist. gets?

7. one BIG reason why i don't really like to study is that once i start to study and to do ell in a subject, even the smallest mistake bothers and frustrates me BIG time. (whatta excuse!? haha.)

8. i really believe that i was totally gay in my past life. wee.

9. i'm having fun brushing my tongue. =P

10. i don't really like injections. ironically, i want to be a doctor. hwaat!?

11. i've learned to play the guitar from my friends here in our place. nagsayang lang ako ng isang libo sa professional tutor ko. haha.

12. i'm afraid of bodies of water though i know how to swim. takot akong malunod. yaiyks. sino bang hindi? waa.

13. i hate to get fat but i love to eat.

14. i'm really serious with this post.

15. in fact, it took me 3 days to finish this list.

..whew. at last! wehe. yung iba wala kenta. di weird. hehe. wala na ko maisip eh. sorry..

^^